To Be Fair & For the Record

I unanimously love my friends. 100%.

The ones I have met in DC have been the tops.

But sometimes I wonder what the hell is wrong with all of us.

Take last night, for example. We all went to support B Team and her improv troupe’s first show at DC Improv – and I’ll say, at the risk of blowing anonymity for the one and only time here on the blog, that her team Aboulia did an amazing job. They have been practicing in my living room for a couple months, but I try to spend my evenings in solitude watching BBC programming on my computer to relax, so I didn’t know just how good they are until just now. I have gone to all her shows for her improv classes, but was especially impressed with her stuff with her very own team. The other groups competing at battle improv – That Was Awkward, Punctual Drunks and So Political – were also hella, hella good. But I was unable to really cheer for any of them because B Team always threatens to pull something called “the shower game” on me when I applaud for people she is competing against. I have no idea what the shower game is but it sounds really horrific.

Actually, to me, the shower game has kind of become the ultimate threat, it’s really taken on a life of it’s own. I’m afraid it involves all sorts of documentation and sharp objects and can be used in any occasion.

Though, I should state for the record that I do not think B Team is verbally or physically abusive. We don’t actually even really fight. Except one time in a Safeway parking lot. God that was awkward. Other than that it’s more of a sisterly thing, so don’t call the authorities…yet.

Anyway, we all went to the bar after their performance to show our solidarity, or something.

One of the folks who attended was KB.

I love KB times infinity because she is amazing.

But sometimes I think maybe we act like we are not 100% capable of seizing life by the horns when we get together; I worry we amplify each others’ awkwardness, or embolden them – I don’t know, either way it’s a scary thought.

For example, last night at Mackey’s KB was drinking a really disgusting martini and I was probably drinking water or pomegranate juice (lolz), and we were remarking how awesome my infinity scarf was, and making lots of jokes about the word infinity. An infinite amount of jokes, if you will.

KB is actually devastatingly attractive, but i don't know how to draw a ponytail.

When all of a sudden a very attractive young woman walked into the bar and sat down at the end of it. She was all alone. Looking lonely, and whatnot.

KB turned to me and said she was really pretty…

and we should reallllly go talk to her.

I got kind of confused at this point because while this girl was reallllly pretty, I’m 1) not single and 2) KB is straight.

I asked why she needed to speak to her and KB just kept emphasizing her hotness factor.

I asked what KB’s angle was going to be when she approached her.

KB said that when WE approached her she wasn’t sure what her angle should be, so she asked me how you are supposed to approach women in a bar.

I got even more confused.

Anyway, eventually she got our other, braver friend to go and talk to her, but KB left the conversation after about a minute and twenty seconds because the girl had on horrible earrings.

I still don’t understand.

HAPPY BELATED BIRD-DAY, KB!