Ok, so I know I run the risk of beating a dead horse here, but the elevator fiasco is still going strong. I fear that I’m in too deep and it’s ALL B TEAM’ S FAULT!!
Last night Anal Guy took down the sign that had B Team’s note written on it. So after that B Team took all his electric candles and weird tap lights and made a really glorious smiley face out of them on the elevator floor. Notice I said B TEAM did this. While I strongly encourage her to be ridiculous, I take a firm stance on not incriminating myself too severely, because our jokes have the tendency of escalating out of control and I really need to do a better job of self-monitoring my participation in them.
Fast forward to this morning. I was walking down the stairs (because the elevator was broken, lolz) and I ran into Anal Guy between floors. AG asked me my name, I said Laurence, sir. And he said – didn’t ask, firmly stated – ‘Oh, you’re the person who wrote on my note.’ I TRUTHFULLY said ‘No, I’m actually the person who wrote my landlord about this whole thing two weeks ago.’ He smiled and said ‘Ohhh, awesome, great – thank you!!’
I continued trudging down the stairs, but I became more and more alarmed…how did he know I had anything to do with this whole mess in the first place??? Why does Anal Guy NEVER run into B Team! Does he even know B Team exists? DOES B TEAM EXIST????
At first I thought, hey, maybe he figured it out because B Team and I are loud assholes most of the time so when we are cackling and joking in the halls, everyone can hear us. Or maybe it’s because this is a relatively small building and he knows all the other OWNERS and we are the only jerks who don’t know not to mess with Anal Guy by the horns.
But then I thought of a few other, more likely alternatives.
1) Anal Guy has bugged the elevator – which honestly I suspected from the very beginning.
2) He has somehow been monitoring all of the building’s internet activity, or has been ritualistically googling likely search terms like ‘anal’ and ‘passive aggressive’ and ‘paranoia’ and unsurprisingly found my blog about him.
3) He has been watching me while I sleep and knows my innermost thoughts.
I feel like the tables have really turned in this situation. Which is too bad, because it was really funny for a minute. But a big part of me hopes it keeps going long enough for Anal Guy to accost B Team, because I can’t help but think that would be hilarious.
Le sigh. Too bad I can’t tell B Team what to do, then all my problems would be solved, and I would be an ideal tenant.
Discussion
No comments yet.